Last week I ran into a friend in a similar situation to me - adjusting to life with a new baby and an older rambunctious 2 year old to care for. She said to me, 'I'm exhausted' which is normal for any mother with young ones. But she said it was 'not physical exhaustion' it was 'mental.' Which I TOTALLY get even more. In fact I could see it her eyes from the moment we started chatting. Ella is 5 months old and 1 week. About a month ago I was exactly where my friend is. Mentally exhausted. Drained from every day demands of parenting. Feeling trapped in the home I dreamed of, feeling overwhelmed and worried I couldn't cut it. Deep down I knew something was not right and it was probably hormonal or because of my thyroid condition or both. After several phone calls and blood tests I was relieved to find out I was right. My thyroid was way off and causing a host of side effects, including out of control hormones. What a relief when I was given the right prescription and within a few weeks I starting feeling normal again. Now I feel like myself. I feel strong and ready and sometimes physically exhausted, but not mentally, that is worse. The tiredness and 2 year old tantrums and infant sleep "problems" are the least of my worries when I have the mental capacity to deal with it. It worries me how many women are suffering for no reason. A few phone calls, a few blood tests, a new medication, and mommy ALL BETTER (as Brooks would say).
My love and affection for my babies is strong and growing stronger every day. Which brings me to my next subject - a quote from Mother Teresa, "True love is love that causes us pain, that hurts, and yet brings us joy... we must pray and ask for the courage to love."
When I first read this I couldn't process the meaning of this. It has taken me two weeks since I first read it to find a meaning that fits my life. Having children is a blessing. The love between a parent and a child is the best gift on earth. But the fear and challenge of parenting causes hurt. It causes pain. Yet bring us joy (ahhh now I see). Strangely I knew this was true and it was the REASON I enjoyed attending church so much the 1st time back in January '11. I cried to a totally stranger about how much I loved my baby boy and how fearful I was because of it. I received encouraging words and I blogged about it way back then. So that's interesting to me. I continue to look outside of my self and my earthly thoughts and ask God to help me be a good mother and to have the courage to love, even though it hurts.
