Today, 1 week and 1 day before my "due" date I am feeling a mix of emotions. I have been a train wreck today... crying, shouting, crying more, feeling bitter, angry, relief, joy, and round and round we go. My hormones are ablaze! Is there any way to truly prepare for what you know is going to be a life altering, edgy, stressful, joyful, blissful, and doubtful time period. After going to church alone today and really trying my best to absorb the words of Godliness, wholeness, and goodness, I still came home self-absorbed and unforgiving. What is wrong with me? I want nothing more than to be a good example for my babies. And the one growing inside me is MOST effected by my moodiness and anger. I know I can't always be so hard on myself. Or so hard on the ones I love most. God wants us to forgive, even ourselves. He sacrificed so that we would not have to - so that we can live in peace - and follow Him into the light.
Speaking of light, and love.
This little acrobat inside my womb is starting to weave her way into my heart more and more each passing day. I am gearing up for a natural childbirth again and realizing that not only is it the only way I ever want to have a baby but it is a true gift and an honor to get to feel so ALIVE and so close to God. I will find my strength and find my peace and begin my journey into motherhood once more knowing I have been a part of human nature, pain, and bliss all wrapped up in one tiny package. I can't wait to fall in love once more. I can't wait to watch her grow and watch my son become a different person because he has her to share his love with.
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